


Homestuck Shipping Olymics: Bonus Round 1 Fills

by SimplerUser



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU: 50s stuck war drama, AU: Brothel, AU: Government Kaiju, AU: Mafia, AU: Medieval Revolution, AU: Post Apocalypse, AU: Space Western, AU: Steam Punk, AU: Supernatural, Body Horror, Haiku, Masqurade, Multi, Road Trip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-24
Updated: 2012-06-24
Packaged: 2017-11-08 10:30:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/442233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SimplerUser/pseuds/SimplerUser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My fills from the Homestuck Shipping Olympics bonus round.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. dave<3karkat post apocalypse + steampunk

  
CG: YOU UNDERSTAND THAT WHERE WE ARE GOING IS NOT IN FACT RELOCATING ITSELF TO A MORE CONVENIENT LOCATION JUST DOWN THE ROAD  
CG: WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO GO TO IT  
CG: WHICH MEANS MOVING  
CG: NOW!  
TG: but if we head off immediately i wont be able to give you a kiss for the road  
TG: your cheek will remain unpecked until we settle for the night  
TG: when the corpses over by the windmills will kill all possibility for smoochage  
TG: im not kissing you where theres corpses karkat  
TG: youre going to have to do it now  
CG: NO.  
CG: FUCK NO A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS FOR TAKING TOO LONG AND THEN ONCE MORE BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T BRUSHED YOUR TEETH.  
TG: point  
TG: sucking face postponed


	2. Aradia/Feferi/Vriska  road trip + space western

"You know," you drawl, trailing out every syllable with a personal grudge, "this would go faster if you didn't think that every single rock in the nether-system requires your personal interference."   
  
Aradia frowns and opens her mouth, no doubt to impart a totally useful (read: boring, so fucking boring, as boring as Aradia herself!) lesson on other civilizations and how that one tribe who literally ate shit was more enlightened than you, doesn't manage to get a word to leave her lips though because Feferi is grabbing your shoulders and leaning forward waaaaaaaay too close to the controls for you to do anything put flick her in the forehead as she exclaims, "Look! That one has _buildings_ on it!"  
  
Buildings shouldn't be half as exciting as they are, but Feferi is the only person you know who is living proof that hysteria is contagious, so you're setting the controls up for landing even as you groan and she kisses your cheek. It would be a sweeter gesture if she didn't insist on kissing Aradia on the mouth immediately after. You'd think that she was the one ensuring your asses all stay inside the sh-  
  
Fuck.  
  
That was not a good sound. That was the type of sound that is followed by- The communication channel opens and you're faced with a face. Excellent. Just what you needed today. You slump and cross your arms. No point keeping your hands on the wheel when you've been jacked.  
  
You glance at Aradia and groan again. Fuck, you could get your little gang out of this with half as much fuss but nope! She has to go all flashy-glowy- _whatever_ mind powers on the whole thing. The craft jerks and you slam forward in your harness, "Watch it, Megido!" you know she's got better control than that. But you're passed the barrier and have time to give the face on your communicator a single finger before the connection fizzles out and you have to start piloting without the aid of freaky low bloods.


	3. Gamzee<3<Vriska medieval + revolution

Getting into these situations has started to be a matter of course, you blow up one little government house and you've got a fucking subjugglator with a god damned club leveled at you. Who the fuck does he think he is? Okay. You know that one. A subjugglator, naturally. So he's totally within his right to break down your door with the intent of beating your brains out, you can see the shitting splinters and the outside! Fuck that's going to be a pain to fix.  
  
You slide yourself out of your stone recuperacoon, no shiny copper for you any more, you're roughing it, to perch on the edge with green staining your skin. A shiver passes over you and you try and ignore it. He opens his mouth and you nearly fall over, typical subgugglator that, all the things in the world to refrain from smelling like a sewer and he chooses to anyway. You gag theatrically and swing your legs over the side reaching to pull on your shirt when his club thuds lightly into your elbow. "Didn't say I was here on motherfucking business now, did I?" you sneer and continue to pull it on anyway, fastening your belt around your waist before giving him the courtesy of replying. Trousers can wait until your legs have been out of the slime longer.  
  
"If you wanted a social call you should have left me a note! I could have had a platter of food waiting for you. What is it you eat these days?" It's too fucking early for this shit and your banter is failing you. "Because it smells like you're eating as much shit as you spew. How _is_ the high-life treating you?"  
  
He thumps his club down onto your chest, fixing it upright and letting gravity complete the motion again. "It's suiting me just fine, got everything I need all up over there, seems like you're missing hunk of your requirements." What a fucking poser. You brush your mind over his and snap back, your colour drains and he fucking grins, a humourless as grin as you've ever seen and you had a mirror for a while.  
  
Shaking your head, you fix a reflection of his own expression onto your face. "I don't know, if this isn't business then you have some business that isn't your business, so you must be missing something."  
  
He shakes his head long and slow, "Girl, girl, girl, don't you think I can't keep my hands in what belongs to me. Don't you think that's in my fucking control. I've got enough to run my fingers through but I think you're missing something big about the business that you've been laying your name all over, _girl_. I think you're out of your motherfucking depth." You snort into his face. Now you know he's got a handle on chuckle voodoo it's not adding anything to anything at all, your mind is stronger than that and he's just another fucking huge indigo blood who is in your one and only hive.  
  
"My business is kept to myself, you're the one who inflicts punishment on unsuspecting doors! Though I know how amazing it is and totally understand how you'd want to be a part of it, too bad you-" He brings his club into contact with you arm, casual as anything, looking like he's doing nothing more than swatting a fly, but it's going to leave a bruise the size of your fist. You barely flinch, when he's fucked off back to the royal nook he crawled out of you're going to pat yourself on the back. "- will never _get_ to be. Unless you've decided to join the side that's more fun!"  
  
He moves closer and you realize that the coiling in your gut is more to do with the fact that he's very tall and those muscles lining his arms match the richness in his voice. You slap him and the sound rings out around the walls. It would sound nicer in your old room but you can't have everything. You laugh at the way he glares, seems he honestly thought you'd give up on the first visit and you laugh harder at the thought. Dice fall and you level the resulting sword at his stomach. "See, tonnes of fun!" He grunts and moves back a step, a level of tension rises from your shoulders. "Fix the door and knock next time and I might just let you in."  
  
You probably would without the repair job but it's the precedent that's important. Plus, if he doesn't you will be more than entitled a trip to wherever he rests his ass to steal his door.


	4. aranea<3meenah 50s stuck + war drama

The sounds of the war reach even here. The rumbles and vibrations making the ground and the bed and _you_ shake. You touch the spot where your blood is seeping through the shitty bandages and groan as you lean back. The nurse who has been trying to win your favor during your extended stay is back and you jerk away from her, letting out a string of Korean expletives. She frowns and addresses each one in kind, her mother wasn't caring enough to pass favors around, the area between her legs is perfectly healthy though she isn't for comparisons in that region and her diet is as healthy as the army allows. You laugh and switch to English. She had been doing well but her accent - yikes, might as well have been chewing fishbones.  
  
"Where does a limp chick like you learn Korean shit?" You wouldn't even be curious if you weren't trapped here for the foreseeable future. She unwraps your bandages and inspects the slice. You avoid looking at it, you don't need to see what happened, you can feel it well enough. She hums and clicks her tongue before replying.  
  
"I thought since I was to be spending an extended period of time in the country knowledge of the language would aid me to aid my country in turn." You sit up further and she pushes you back down. You push back and her hand slips with the disinfectant, sloshing it into the wound, you hiss and swat at her with your uninjured arm. The one chained to the bed. It doesn't get half way. You drop it and scowl. She chuckles lightly, replacing the bottle on the tray and tidying up your arm to replace the bandage. Who does she think she is? "I must say your English is impressive when you choose to use it. How did you learn?"  
  
You zip your lips shut. You should have known better, now the American broad knows something more about you anything more than that and they'll know exactly who they've got, even earlier than they should. Fucking figures. And now she expects an answer and you can't just out and say that learning three languages was a requirement when you were growing up. She sighs and ties off the bandage, reaching over to check where you pulled at the cuff, clicking her tongue. Like it actually matters to her how comfortable a war prisoner gets to be.  
  
She trots off to do whatever it is nurses do when they aren't up to their elbows in blood and you're back to being bored. Unexpectedly she's back within moments. With a book. You're thrilled. Still you've been here and conscious two days. And no. Oh no. Why is she sitting _down_ do you look like a kid who needs to be read to to fall asleep? You really fucking hope you haven't fallen that far but given how she smiles as she asks if you want her to help keep you amused you're sure she thinks you're younger than her. You actually might be now you take a better look at her. The way she keeps her hair and her skirt makes her look like she just crawled out of her mother, because who wears a skirt in a war? Only her. That's who. You grunt and leave it up to her to decide whether it means yes or no.  
  
The story is good enough that you listen as her voice enters your ears. Adventure and pirates and a different kind of war. She gets called away to help with incoming wounded one day and leaves the book. Your reading isn't as good as your oral when it comes to English, something that baffled your tutors, but makes perfect sense to anyone who gives a shit, but you figure it can't hurt to practice.  
  
She starts when she comes back and sees you with the book open in front of you, you smirk at her and pass it back. "Thought you were a nurse, Miss Mindfang." She snatches the book back and tries to stammer something out. You couldn't give half a shit, you got to read the stuff she's been skipping over and you're more fascinated than ever by this anomaly of a nurse.


	5. Sollux<3<Kanaya, brothel au + fever dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Probably my favourite of these.  
> Also where the body horror warning comes in.

You come to and there is a set of one thousand and twenty four different hedgehogs, porcupines and kina going to war between your ears all wrapped in a jellyfish. Everything about this is shit. Barely conscious enough to open your eyes you force them to do as you ask and the menagerie engages again. Shit stained, puss riddled _everything_. A voice by your ear croons "shoosh" and puts a cloth on your forehead, like you could make a single fucking sound as you are, like your body is capable of doing something that isn't making its way towards being a further sack of crap.  
  
It's a while before you come to, you think. You don't fucking know, you wouldn't put it past yourself to have turned into a piece of machinery, ticking over into a further amount of pain but you're not a fucking _clock_ is the point. If you ever had a point and you're pretty sure you didn't.  
  
You've been staring at nothing. Nothing being a ceiling with a crack down the middle, painted the most horrible shade of green you've ever had pass through your corneas. You hear a scuffle as whoever has been looking over you returns to the room. You think she smiles, is she a she, you don't want to be a presumptuous dickstain but those appear to be tits wrapped in lace and not much else. You blink and suddenly they're a lot closer and covered in a lot more. You reach up, yeah, those are tits, probably a chick. She lifts your hand away from her by the wrist, even as you fade out you can feel her disdain. Well fuck her too. You didn't have another option with the sounds coming out not resolving into words.  
  
You dream. If you can call the disorganized mess in front of your mind a dream. Green swirls tie themselves into knots and then into bows which feed into your mouth and burst out your skin in lines of binary seeping into punch-tape and catching on fire, tearing through your stomach and heart and burning your eyes until your world closes into lime fire and pain.  
  
You wake and scramble to sit up and tilt your head off the side of the bed. Strings of code slipping from your mouth and onto the floor  
1|  for (i = 0; i  < stomach.content; i++) stomach[i].expel();  
3|  
4| stomach.add(lArm);  
5| stomach.add(rArm);  
6| stomach.expelAll();  
  
  
Bit by bit it resolves itself, arms and then legs, fingers flowing forth tipped with green polish, you reflect briefly on why that would be added and a card flips over blank, you cough a toe out and lace streams from your palms wrapping itself around the figure before you, curling into the features on her face. Pursed lips which bend to slip over yours and your eyes stream blood and despair to wrap around her throat while she is unperturbed and only slips her tongue into your mouth as you choke on pain.  
  
You wake. Again. Sweat which is just clear streaming off you. The woman looks up as you gasp but returns her eyes to her novel again, turning a page and only frowning. You wish you could just die.


	6. Terezi <3< Vriska  fortune teller + supernatural

"Hm. Yeah. You're dead." you say and fold the cards away, tucking them into the box under the low table and smile wide.  
  
Terezi frowns and opens her mouth. You raise your hand and slide it down her face and are honestly totally surprised you don't lose a finger from the gesture. Her teeth are abnormally sharp. Doesn't shut her up though, "What the fuck do you mean by that, Serket?" You stand up and begin dousing the incense you have scattered around.  
  
When you reply you allow the more obnoxious tone to creep into your voice, "I mean you're dead! A walking corpse, all your life has run out and you're just waiting to keel over. Sorry." You aren't sorry.  
  
Well, you are a little. You're not quite sure what you're going to do when she does realize her heart isn't beating anymore and her vision is coming back because she doesn't need her eyes to see. You'll miss her, you suppose. Like you miss the sensation of a joint being popped or a tooth being pulled.  
  
She's grown quiet as you raise her up by her shoulder, all of her. You're very careful of that, she's going to pass over sooner or later but she's got a week maybe two before the separation of body and spirit gets bad enough to be a problem, she doesn't actually need you making that split earlier. "How."  
  
You guess that's a question even though it barely sounds like one and you look at her. Really properly look for the first time _ever_ and brush her hair back and stick your finger in her ear. She grabs it and and twists. You shout, palms up. She asked a fucking question, sort of, and you were getting to the shitting _answer_.  
  
She releases the finger and you think it's about to fall off, it hasn't yet though so you hold it out and there's a trace of what looks like ink but isn't because when you hold out the corner of your shirt and wipe it off it doesn't stain just vanishes. "You got yourself poisoned by some nasty juju. Have fun working out who did it!"  
  
She hisses and punches you hard as you shove her out of your trailer. You hope she'll come back before she goes for good. But you can't ask her to.


	7. John<3Vriska Aaron Sorkin + kaiju

Vriska swings around on her chair. Light day in the office. Sun is shining outside, spider is staying put in its tank despite ample prodding so she's taken it upon herself to get sick to her stomach. It's not working.  
  
She skids to a stop when she hears a knock on the door and looks up. John enters the room simultaneously suppressing a smile and looking apologetic as he was obviously interrupting very important business. She grips the edge of the desk to stop her head rotating.  
  
"I know you're probably thinking about matters of national security and whatever but I thought you might want to take a look at the headline to prepare yourself. It's not a big thing-" she looks at the picture paper-clipped to the file he's dumped in front of her. Oh, no of course that's _tiny_ , "- But CNN's got it and I figured hey! Why not share the reporting news with the one and only press secretary."  
  
"Hey, John? Mind giving me a tiny hint as to what I'm looking at here."  
  
He doesn't twitch a muscle. "Godzilla's prettier cousin."  
  
"Of course. Okay. When everyone asks me, 'Hey Vriska, you know that thing that's rampaging around, what are you going to do with that?' do you have an answer for me or am I going to have to come up with something on the spot?"  
  
His mouth does twitch at that. "Well, NSA have been talking setting up a pen." Another twitch. "And an amusement park." A short choke of laughter. "And a petting zoo." And then he dissolves into a fit of giggles. Vriska pulls him into a quick kiss before heading off to the briefing room.  
  
Probability she can keep it together more than John in there: 88%. Karkat wouldn't think it was high enough.


	8. Various Last Minute Fills

**Aradia <>Dave**,Haiku + Steampunk

 

Cogs turn in your souls.  
Breathing hard you turn the tides.  
Time together now.

  
  
 **Dirk <3 Jake <3 Psiioniic**, haiku + biopunk

  
Wires stream from hearts.  
Pumping blood between you all.  
You hold hands. It's quiet.

 

  
 **Nepeta <> Terezi**, masquerade + mafia

 

Your masks have matching ears and you straighten your suits. Hers doesn't fit quite as well as yours. She has an actual girl butt. Rude.  
  
But you're both ready to take the room by storm as you enter, arms linked and grins mirrored by the bone on your faces.

 

  
 **Dave <3 Tavros**, Haiku and Cyberpunk

 

Legs glinting, you walk.  
Every street crisp as tin foil.  
Your lenses see him.

 

  
 **Aradia <>Sollux**, beach vacation and mystery

 

The fucking sunscreen is gone and you're going to fry.  
  
You didn't want to encounter light but then here you are again. Fucking shitting hell.  
  
And then you feel a cold trickle down the back of your neck, unfold your arms and look up. Okay. So that's where it went. Maybe it's not so awful if Aradia is going to rub that in.


End file.
